Is of course something we’ve not known in the time Lucy and I have been together. But we always manage to get away for one week-end a year by ourselves. At least once. There have been years when we’ve managed another week-end or two, perhaps a birthday, or a church retreat. But we’ve made it a non-negotiable imperative that for our wedding anniversary, we spend a week-end without the girls.

It’s not always been easy. There have been the times when we’ve had babies needing looking after. Times when we’ve had no money. Times when we’ve had to rely upon goodwill of new friends in an adopted country to look after 4 children. But somehow we’ve always managed it.

This year Lu mentioned she’d like to scuba dive for our week-end away, and I found we could come to Vanuatu using the rest of the frequent flyer miles I had. So here we are, night 1, on Hideaway Island, in Vanuatu. There’s no Internet, no 3G or even GPRS, and no phones. No TV. No loud music. No kids (or at least, not ours). Just the sound of a fan whirring in an attempt to keep the 30C heat and 85% humidity at bay for the night.

It’s usually at this time of our week-end, every year, that we play a game and try to remember where we’ve been. The rules for the week-end are: I organise the even numbered years, Lu organises the odd numbered years (this started with our honeymoon in ‘94). The organiser has total control over the entire week-end, including (if necessary) packing bags, transport, activities, accommodation, and arranging for the kids welfare. That means the week-end is a total surprise for the other partner. It’s remarkably hard to remember each year accurately, hence the game, but it’s always a nice reminder, not to mention a starting check-point for how far we’ve come, and how much we’re grateful for. Here’s what we’ve remembered so far:

So there we have it, the potted history of our extended honeymoon. The first week-end was when we got married, and was a surprise only because we’d planned our main honeymoon for South Africa in the January. Since then we kind of fell into a rhythm, but one which is fiercely guarded to this day.

Of course, every year has had it’s own story too. Like the year we went to Oxford and stayed in a hotel just like Fawlty Towers (with it’s own Basil Fawlty proprietor). Or in Sydney staying in a friends yacht on the harbour and going to dinner by boat essentially because of pecuniary strangulation. In all though, this means we’ve had a total of 28 days over 14 years of kid-less honeymoon holiday. Actually it’s a little more because I’ve kidnapped Lu for her birthday a couple of times as well, and of course we had our “real” honeymoon, 12 days in South Africa too.

On balance, would I have the 28 days in one long holiday before kids, or rather have it spread out over the 14 years (with more to come)? Second option is by far the one I’d choose. Just look at the variety of places we’ve been able to visit. The experiences we’ve enjoyed, and the relationship revitalising injection every year of organising or being treated to a great pampering surprise.

Of course, that’s not a binary choice. You can have both. Kids have friends, you have family, and people are remarkably resilient. Sporting events can be missed, even work events. We should spend more time together just the two of us. After all pretty soon all of our girls will be grown ups and we’ll just have each other. But if you can only organise one a year, do it! It’ll be the best investment you can make in your marriage.

Life without kids, eh? Who’d have thought it?

But it’s late, and I must away. Coming here on a tuppence, using Air Miles meant flying from Sydney via Melbourne (then overflying Sydney). With travel to the airport, check-in, flying, transit, customs, and transfer time, it took us over 10 hours to get here. All I can hope is the diving is worth it.

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